I know many folks are struggling with anxiety right now. There is so much unknown about the COVID-19 pandemic and how it may affect us and our families. Our daily lives have been completely upended, and so much of it is completely out of our control. This much change can be difficult during the best of times, but now with coronavirus out there? To say coping is a challenge is an understatement.
So, let me first say this – I understand where you’re coming from. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder almost 15 years ago. My diagnosis came after years of physical symptoms going back to high school – stomach cramps, migraines, insomnia. My physician prescribed antidepressants for my anxiety. Eventually, I added therapy to the mix too, and it’s all changed my life.
Strangely, right now, I’m not panicking or particularly stressed even. Work has been beyond hectic. My boyfriend is facing uncertainties with his job, which is temporarily closed. My 401(k) … well, we just won’t talk about that. It will rebound, right? But all this said, I’m actually doing OK. That’s because my therapist all those years ago helped me develop great coping skills to deal with my normal state of anxiety and better manage the especially stressful times.
There are so many coping tips out there, but over the years, I’ve found a few that work particularly well for me. You’re not going to see any “just keep a positive attitude” or “laugh” or “exercise more” on my list. Those are generally just good practices, period, but I don’t find those work particularly well for episodes resulting from my anxiety disorder or times of high stress. However, if staying positive helps you, add that to your list! Managing anxiety and stress are all about finding what works for you. Now, on with the show …
We’ll start with the easier ones:
Curb your alcohol and caffeine intake. This can make feelings of anxiety worse. I usually have a still somewhat obscene amount of coffee to keep my headaches away, and I may have a glass of wine or other adult beverage at night. That’s OK for me, but it may not be for everyone. The key is to avoid excess.
Practice square breathing. I don’t know if that’s the official name, but it’s what I call it. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts (or whatever time frame seems to work best; I do 3 1/2). Repeat a few times. This forces me to focus and if your breath is quickened from heightened stress, it slows things down and helps calm you.
The next two are a little more challenging for me, personally:
Talk to someone. I’m an open book, generally, but I don’t like to unload my problems on people. I like being the strong one with all the answers. But I also have to let it out sometimes. Have a person you can call without judgment. If you don’t want answers, tell them, “I don’t need you to fix this. I don’t need you to agree with me on how bad things are. I just need you to listen and let me get it out.” As a fixer myself, I like to level-set what I’m asking of the other person, and when someone vents to me, it also helps me understand that trying to solve the problem isn’t what they need.
Take a break from known stressors. I like a good mindful walk. This is different from a “normal” walk for me. I bring my phone, but I don’t talk to anyone or play on it. I don’t listen to music or podcasts. I do pay attention to what’s physically happening around me at that moment rather than what’s running through my mind. When I start worrying about work or what’s happening in the world, I bring it back to what I can see, smell or hear at that moment. The buzz of bees. The hum of lawnmowers in the distance. The faint sweet smell of azaleas. The realization that the yellow center of a purple pansy kind of looks like an egg yolk.
These last two were the most challenging for me and have taken the most time and most practice to see benefit:
Get to know your body. Learn how your body feels and how you behave when you’re not anxious. This will help you know when things feel off. A few physical tells for me: I start getting more headaches, clinch my jaw when I’m watching TV and have trouble staying asleep at night. But, I can also feel a general disturbance in the force that is me, and then I know it’s time refocus – sign off work at a decent hour, escape in a book, binge watch mindless TV, go for a walk, sleep in on the weekends, go to bed early a few days in a row. Eventually, you’ll feel when panic or severe anxiety is about to set in, before it actually does, and take measures to prevent it too.
Focus on what you can control or is in your immediate sphere of influence, and let the rest go. This one has been most challenging for me, but it has also been the one that has paid the most dividends. I really don’t get worked up in a crisis. I accepted years ago that I cannot control everything. If I can take actions to control or influence my circumstances, I do, but I try to let go of the stress of everything else, accept it and move on.
I have the most difficulty when I feel like there is a solution to a challenge, but others who have the power to solve for it don’t view it to be quite as significant as I do. I still don’t get worked up, but the frustration is real. But, if I go back to my mantra – focus on what I can control or influence – I’m usually able to let it go with minimal levels of saltiness.
The final tip isn’t so much a tip as just a reality. Sometimes, life gets bad, and if you’re the type of person who can “look on the bright side” and be OK, that’s awesome. I’m not one of those people, and you may not be either. Reach out to the professionals if things don’t improve. The way I am able to cope is because I had a great therapist who gave me the coping skills needed to manage my anxiety and physicians who have helped me manage through medication.
Unfortunately, mental health still has quite a stigma. Many people think speaking to a therapist or going on medication somehow makes them broken or weak. It doesn’t. It makes you strong – strong enough to realize you need more support.
Remember, you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of others.
April M. Phillips, APR 